just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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