season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
