Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
worst night to have a conscience
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
