you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
