can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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