Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize