just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
accomplished twins. life is a go
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
