I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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