i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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