How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have post one night stand depression
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize