Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
