Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
