she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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