chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize