I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
