when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
