what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
