if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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