i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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