dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
