You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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