Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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