i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
