you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
