So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
