how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
