Just cropdusted the office
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
