he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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