I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
