sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
