i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
