your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
