I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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