using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
