If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
