Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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