bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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