Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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