I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
