Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize