I don't think brook has ever known best
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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