my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
