If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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