The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
