He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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