I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
