whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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