You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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