we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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