; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hippo gnu deer
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
