Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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