y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
