if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize