And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
