Swine flu. Run for my life!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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