You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am puke
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The beer is more important than you right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
