you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
