I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
