i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
