this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize