This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
