i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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