I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
