They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
