Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
