Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
