I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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