Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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