Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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