actually, I'm a sock model
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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