my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
