whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
