It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
